Scrupulosity: Spiritual OCD?

There are moments in the spiritual life when the desire to please God becomes tangled with fear. Instead of bringing peace, prayer begins to feel heavy.

Confession can feel frightening rather than freeing. 

Every small action seems to carry the possibility of sin. For some of us, this experience is not simply a spiritual struggle – it can resemble a genuine psychological condition.

Scrupulosity has often been described as a kind of spiritual OCD, where the mind becomes trapped in cycles of fear about guilt and wrongdoing. Yet the story of the Christian life is not meant to be one of constant anxiety. 

At the heart of the Gospel stands grace – the loving mercy of God who calls us not to fear, but to trust.

 

"That's Not Fair!"

There is a phrase that rises quickly to our lips, often before we even realise it – “That’s not fair!” 

It echoes from childhood into adulthood, appearing in small frustrations and in life’s deepest wounds. 

We feel it when we are misunderstood, overlooked, or treated unjustly. 

Recently, while re-watching A Hidden Life, one of my all-time favourite films, one line stood out with renewed force: “It’s better to suffer injustice than to do it.” 

These words challenge something deep within us. They invite us to look again at what fairness really means – and to see it through the light of the Gospel.

Am I a Bad Catholic? - Inspired by Blessed John Henry Newman's reflections in the chapter often referred to as "Bad Catholic"

Inspired by Blessed John Henry Newman's reflections in the chapter often referred to as "Bad Catholic")

There are moments in every honest spiritual life when a question rises quietly, uninvited, yet unavoidably: Am I a bad Catholic?

It slips in when we are tired, when we fall again into the same patterns of sin, when our prayer life feels shallow or dry, when we catch ourselves choosing comfort over conviction. It is a question that can sting, a question that can unsettle, but also a question that – if we dare to sit with it – may lead us closer to Christ.

Blessed John Henry Newman understood this interior struggle deeply. He knew that the faithful soul often wrestles not with self – admiration but with holy discomfort. In his writings, especially in the reflections surrounding what many call the "Bad Catholic" chapter, Newman holds up a mirror. And in that mirror, he reveals something astonishing: perhaps the very fact that we are asking the question is itself a sign of grace. The indifferent heart does not question its fidelity. Only the heart touched by God fears losing Him.

So this week we turn to Newman, Scripture, and our own conscience. Not to condemn ourselves, but to recognise that our unease may actually be the whisper of the Holy Spirit calling us deeper – calling us to the renewal of mind and heart that marks every authentic journey of discipleship.

Why Faith Is Not Blind

In our last post and reflection, "What If It's All True?", we allowed ourselves to step into the breathtaking possibility that the Incarnation, the Resurrection, and the promises of Christ are not legends but living reality. 

In this series we've faced the question of doubt with honesty. 

We asked whether a man can truly rise from the dead, whether a virgin can truly conceive, whether witnesses can truly be trusted. We discovered that our faith rests not on vague sentiment, but on testimony, sacrifice, and transformed lives.

In this post, let us take one step further.

If it is true – then our faith is not blind.

What If It's All True? – A Follow Up To "When Doubt Creeps In"

Last week we reflected on what happens when doubt creeps in – when quiet questions rise about the Virgin Birth, the Resurrection, and the bold claims of Christianity. 

We considered the witnesses, the martyrs, the saints who staked everything on what they had seen and believed. But now let us take one step further. If we have faced our doubts honestly… what if, after examining the testimony and the courage of the martyrs, we dare to ask the deeper question – what if it's all true?

When Doubt Creeps In

There are moments when faith feels steady and bright – and other moments when quiet questions begin to surface. 

We may be praying, reading Scripture, or sitting quietly after Communion when an unexpected thought slips into our minds: 

Can this really be true? 

Can a man truly rise from the dead? 

Can a child truly be born of a virgin? 

Did these events actually happen in history – or have we simply inherited beautiful religious stories?

When doubt creeps in, we may feel unsettled. We may even feel embarrassed, as though mature faith should never wrestle with questions. Yet the presence of doubt does not mean the absence of faith. Often, it means our faith is being invited to grow deeper roots.

The Winter Olympics - Striving for Perfection and Awaiting Judgement

There is something about the Winter Olympics that holds us still. 

We watch blades carve the ice, skis cut through snow, sleds race along frozen tracks at breathtaking speed. 

We see beauty, risk, discipline, and daring - and then we see the waiting. 

 

The skater stands motionless after the final spin, breath visible in the cold air, eyes fixed on a scoreboard. 

 

The skier glances upward after crossing the finish line. 

 

The snowboarder removes a helmet and waits. 

 

All of them have trained for years for this moment. 

 

All of them must await judgement, and as we watch, we cannot help but recognise something of our own lives in theirs.

Plank? What Plank?

Sometimes the Gospel reaches me not through what is spoken aloud, but through what rises quietly within me when I am interrupted and exposed.

It happened recently at Mass, in a moment so ordinary that it might easily have been forgotten, and yet so revealing that it has stayed with me.

At the very beginning of Mass, before I had properly settled, before my heart had slowed to the pace of prayer, several telephones went off. 

One sound followed another, brief intrusions into the silence that is meant to help me cross the threshold from ordinary life into something sacred.

Almost immediately, irritation stirred within me. It rose quickly and confidently, as though it needed very little encouragement. My attention drifted away from prayer and toward judgment. I told myself I was simply reacting to the disruption, but beneath that explanation lay something more uncomfortable.

I was judging.

Spiritual Warfare - The Hidden Battle

It’s not a subject many people like to talk about. In fact, even in the Church, spiritual warfare isn’t mentioned very much at all. 

We talk about love, mercy, hope and peace — all of which are essential — but not often about the struggle that lies behind all of it. 

Yet from the very first moment of creation, a battle has been going on, unseen but very real. It isn’t fought with weapons of steel or fire, but in the quiet places of the soul.

Suffer the Little Children Come to Me - How Young Children Are Lured Into The World Of Gambling

“Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them; for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.”
— Matthew 19:14 RSV-CE

When Pope Leo XIV recently addressed the growing moral dangers of gambling, many Catholics expected him to speak about the financial harm and addiction that plague adults. But his warning went deeper. He spoke about children — the ones “whom Christ holds closest to His Sacred Heart” — and how they are now being lured into a culture that glorifies chance, greed, and instant reward.

His words echoed like a trumpet blast across the Church:

“We live in a world,” the Holy Father said, “where gambling is no longer whispered about in shame but celebrated in the open. Where once sin hid in the shadows, now it shines on screens and billboards, teaching the smallest among us that money is won, not earned — that risk is excitement, and that losing is simply part of the game.”

… and Mary pondered …

There are moments in Scripture that pass almost unnoticed, moments that are quiet, gentle, and easily overlooked. Yet sometimes it is precisely these moments that hold the deepest truth. 

One such moment is found in a single line describing Mary, the mother of Jesus: "But Mary kept all these things, pondering them in her heart." (Luke 2:19, RSV – CE)

We are so accustomed to thinking of Mary in terms of obedience and faith that we may forget what her obedience actually involved. It was not abstract. It was not safe. It was not cushioned by certainty. Mary's "yes" placed her at the centre of responsibility, danger, and deep uncertainty. She was entrusted not only with faith, but with a Child – a fragile infant in a fragile world.

To ponder, in Mary's case, was not passive reflection. It was the work of a mother carrying an unimaginable responsibility, holding together love, fear, trust, and action. And when we allow ourselves to linger with Mary in that pondering, we begin to see our own faith reflected back at us.

The Long Way Home – The Journey After Bethlehem

The night sky over Bethlehem was never the same for us again.

We had arrived as seekers, burdened by our past, guided by a light we could not explain. We left as men remade — uncertain of the road ahead but certain of the truth we had seen.

The star that had led us no longer shone above, but it burned within.

The journey home was long, filled with silence, memory, and prayer. We no longer carried gold, frankincense, and myrrh — only the ache of wonder and the weight of grace.

And though we had set out as astrologers and magicians, we returned as men who had glimpsed the face of God.

10 Theories As To What Mary and Joseph Did With The Gold, Frankincense, and Myrrh

The story of the Magi, who travelled from the East to honour the newborn Jesus, is one of the most cherished narratives in Christian tradition. 

Their gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh are laden with symbolic meaning, but the Gospels do not provide any details about what became of these valuable items after they were presented. 

This omission has led to numerous speculations and theological reflections over the centuries. 

In this article, we explore ten theories about what Mary and Joseph might have done with the gifts of the Magi, drawing on biblical, historical, and traditional sources.

And Then We Found Him

We did not find Him where kings are supposed to be.

There was no procession, no guarded threshold, no architecture announcing importance. 

 

No herald cried out His name. 

 

No priest stood watch. 

 

No lamp burned brighter than another.

Instead, there was the quiet sound of breathing.

The star did not blaze or thunder. It simply rested. As if it had reached the end of its sentence.

We stood still.

From Forbidden Knowledge to Wisdom Given

The journey we now walk began, paradoxically, with the very practices we are leaving behind.

We were Chaldeans, trained from youth to read the heavens with an intensity that bordered on obsession. 

Charts, calculations, invocations, interpretations – these were our daily bread. We told ourselves that what we did was science, tradition, inheritance. But in truth, much of it crossed into darkness. We sought not merely to observe creation, but to extract from it answers God had not given us permission to demand.

And yet, it was through one final calculation – an anomaly so profound that it shook even our hardened confidence – that everything changed.

It Isn’t Just Christmas Today — It’s Christmas Every Time We Attend Mass!

When we think of Christmas, our minds often turn to the familiar: the tree, the lights, the carols, the presents. 

We remember the smell of roasted chestnuts, the laughter of family, the quiet anticipation of midnight Mass. 

All of these are beautiful, and they mark the season of joy.

Yet in the heart of our faith, Christmas is far more than a single day or a festive calendar event. 

The mystery we celebrate on 25 December is alive every day, every time we attend Mass. It is the mystery of the Word made flesh, of God coming to dwell among us, Emmanuel — “God with us” (Matthew 1:23, RSV-CE).

The wonder of Bethlehem is not confined to history. It continues to unfold whenever we gather to worship, whenever the Eucharist is consecrated, whenever our hearts are open to receive the living Christ.

From The Crib To Cross - An Advent Reflection

Advent is a season of beginnings that already point toward endings. 

The gentle glow of the crib is never far from the looming shadow of the cross. 

From the very first candle we light, from the first antiphon we sing, something in our hearts knows that this Child's birth will not be an escape from suffering but the entrance of God into the very heart of it.

This early part of Advent invites us into a holy tension – the tenderness of Bethlehem intertwined with the sacrifice of Calvary. We look at the Child wrapped in swaddling clothes and somehow sense that those small, fragile hands will one day be stretched wide in surrender. We listen to the hush of angels and cannot forget that one day, darkness will cover the earth at the hour of His death.

And yet, this tension is not meant to sadden us. It is meant to awaken us. To remind us that love, real love, comes not only in the softness of a cradle but also in the strength of a cross. Advent holds them together for us – the beginning that already reveals the mission, the Child who was born to save, the Word made flesh who came to lay that flesh down.

"Jesus' Blood Never Failed Me Yet" and the Advent Cry of Hope - A Voice in the Wilderness in Modern Times?

Every Advent, we hear again that haunting cry from the prophet Isaiah:

 "A voice cries out in the wilderness: Prepare the way of the Lord…" (Isaiah 40:3, RSV-CE). 

We recognise this voice in John the Baptist, calling Israel to repentance. 

And yet, every year, a strange question returns: Where is that voice now?

Could it still be crying out—quietly, humbly—through unexpected people and unexpected places?

This Advent, that ancient question took on new meaning for me as I listened again to Gavin Bryars' remarkable composition Jesus' Blood Never Failed Me Yet. 

What began as a stray audio fragment from a homeless man on the streets of London has become, for many, a modern echo of John the Baptist: a fragile, truth-bearing voice rising from society's margins, pointing us back to Christ.

And so, in this season of longing, repentance, and hope, perhaps the wilderness is not geographical at all. Perhaps it lies wherever someone forgotten dares to sing a simple truth: Jesus' blood has never failed us yet—and never will.

The Story and Spirit of Our Lady of Lourdes, New Milton — Looking Towards Our Centenary

Last week, I reflected on why I believe Our Lady of Lourdes Catholic Church in New Milton is "the best." 

It is not simply the building, nor simply the people, nor even its lovely setting between sea and forest — though all these things contribute to its beauty, rather, it is the faith of the parish, the way God has guided us, and the way Our Lady's mantle of intercession has been felt across a hundred years of prayer, worship, and mission.

This week, I want to look more closely at the parish's history — how it began, how it grew, and where it is going. I also want to look forward, for we are on the threshold of something very significant: our church's centenary in 2027. That will be a moment to celebrate, to give thanks, and to renew our mission.

A Meditation on Our Lord's Prayer – One Line at a Time

There are prayers we say, and then there are prayers that shape us. The Lord's Prayer belongs firmly in the second category. 

Many of us have whispered its familiar words so often that they slip from our tongue almost without thought. Yet beneath each short phrase lies an ocean of meaning – truth that nourishes, challenges, stretches, and steadies us. When Jesus taught us this prayer, 

He was not giving us a formula to recite... but a way of becoming.

As we pray the words Our Lord gave us, we are not simply speaking to God – we are allowing Him to form our hearts.

Each line is an invitation, a doorway, a posture of discipleship. And perhaps the greatest risk is not that we pray it incorrectly, but that we pray it too quickly. 

If we slow down and let the Lord's Prayer speak, we discover that it does not merely guide our conversations with God – it rewrites our desires, purifies our motives, and realigns our lives with His Kingdom. This is not only a prayer to pray. It is a life to live.

In this blog post, we take time to let every line breathe. 

To sit with each phrase long enough for it to sink in and settle upon our souls.